Tami Close's NDE

On March 4, 1984, I awakened from a restful sleep to severe pain in my leg.  I was six months pregnant and had been commuting to Seattle via ferry, and walked a mile uphill to my place of employment.  Thus, I thought the leg pain may have been as a result of a pulled muscle from the climb.

 

I got up and began to walk around to “shake it off.”  Yet, the pain grew increasingly worse and my leg started to become a purplish color.  Rob, my husband, at that time, and I decided to call our doctor who was in Seattle.  He, without any fear in his voice, thought it might be a blood clot, but didn’t seem alarmed by it.   He thought we should immediately come to the hospital in Seattle, and he would meet us there.  When we told him that we had about a 2+ hour commute based on the ferry schedule, he said that the time frame would not present a problem.

So I got in the shower and proceeded to prepare myself... there’s something about going to the emergency room which precipitates an awareness that the body should be well groomed.  As I was shaving my legs, I began to feel faint, and I quickly got out and told Rob that I didn’t feel well.  I laid in the bed for a few minutes, and the faint feeling passed.  We then decided that we should go to the closest hospital, which was about 20 minutes away.

When I arrived at the ER entrance, I couldn’t walk and so Rob got a wheelchair and wheeled me in like a wheelchair on steroids.  The ER staff quickly went into hyper mode and took me into a room.  While lying down in the room, I began to feel faint again, and I told the nurses who then wheeled me to the main room.

While in the main room, I transitioned to a different place where there was no pain... only peace and tranquility.  I could hear the nurses say, “We’re losing her and the baby’s heart rate is dropping.”  Yet, there was no reaction to these words... it was as if somebody said, “I’m eating a potato chip.”  Nothing registered... there was no reaction one way or another.  It was simply neutral to everything, and even defining this experience can’t even begin to capture the essence of this beautiful place.  There was nothing happening as there wasn’t a subject and object to happen to or connect to.  There was absolutely no connection to anything.

One nurse grabbed my wrist and said she needed to poke a needle in it, and that it would hurt.  I could not feel her lift my wrist nor feel the needle.  I could hear her words, and yet again, there was nothing that was present to register what these words meant... no meaning whatsoever.

The doctors administered heparin which thins the blood, and upon receiving the heparin, I quickly came back into the severe pain.  I was then admitted to the hospital for 10 days under strict observation as it was determined that I had blood clots in my leg, which went to my lungs and I was diagnosed with pulmonary embolism.  The doctors said I was fortunate that I was still alive as most people who have pulmonary embolism die.  There was even greater concern because I was pregnant and so there were two people that needed to be watched.

Unbeknownst to me, while I was in the ER, a doctor told my husband that it didn’t look good and that the baby and I could die, and for Rob to prepare himself.  When I got to my hospital room, Rob relayed this information to me.  Yet, this information wasn’t assimilated right away as I was still trying to understand what happened in that ER room.

I then told Rob about my experience, and that I wanted to go back to that place... wherever that was.  Rob didn’t quite understand what I was describing... nor did I... and he couldn’t believe that I would choose to be elsewhere.  I had returned to pain, and I wanted to be where there was no pain present or any recognition of the word “pain.”  Even though I was trying to understand the experience, I also knew that I had a challenging road ahead of me still being pregnant and still being at risk for more blood clots.  I had to stay on heparin and give myself shots to keep my blood thin, and that, in and of itself, has great risk attached to it.  This said, I made a decision to stay focused on my health and that of our unborn child so I didn’t think about the experience much until years later.

Lindsay, our daughter, was born a month later on April 6 at 3 lbs. 11 oz, and one doctor described her strength in her incubator... ”I saw Lindsay bench pressing q-tips.”  Today, she is a 29 year old woman who is amazingly gifted, and her strength training now includes big girl weights!

It’s been 29 years since that experience, and I believe I’ve been searching for that perfect place of peace.  What I have discovered... and still discovering... is that there are Infinite dimensions and that the NDE was a dimensional experience, a transition.  I believe there is no death because there is no birth... our existence is beyond all space and time... that we are all-ways transitioning a gazillion times per second.  We just may not be fully aware of these transitional spaces, and yet they are all-ways present.  I believe that if we exist now, we will all-ways exist.  Existence is an Infinite dimensional playing field where ONE, as the many, PLAY as a collective consciousness.  I believe we are not these bodies... the body was formed so ALL experiences could come to PLAY... and paint the experiences which allow Infinite exploration and discovery.

You are completeness, wholeness, and thus, no alteration is necessary.  Perhaps You may discover that all aspects of the Oneself are integrated, and at last You may RIP (Rest in Peace)!

Tami and her daughter Lindsay (2013)

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